Conditional
by Casa Circe
Summary: One-shot. Set during the Western Air Temple. After the initial rejection of the Avatar's group, Zuko ponders on how much simpler life would have been for him if the Avatar and his friends truly knew him. A dash of Zutara. Please read and review! Thanks!


Conditional

_Disclaimer: __I own neither "Avatar: The Last Airbender" nor "They're Playing Our Song."_

_AN:__ Random inspiration, distracting me from my purpose, but anyway I have to release my ideas to prevent insomnia. A little one-shot. Sorry that Zuko is a bit out of character. Zutara but you don't need to squint too hard._

Zuko trudged back despondently to his makeshift campsite. The little hairy amphibian who had been his faithful companion until a few minutes ago was nowhere to be seen. He found himself alone again. But this time, it was a solitude not of determined conviction but of pathetic dejection and self- mortification.

"How could I have been so stupid?" he cried in extreme exasperation, slapping his forehead for the nth time and making the red welt on it become even redder.

Of course they didn't trust him! They hated him! And they were perfectly justified. He didn't need to repeat their detailed enumeration of his past injuries against them. And unfortunately, each of the Avatar's companions seemed to remember each incident as vividly as ever the moment they set eyes on him. Even the blind earthbender expressed some hostility towards him when he confessed that he had sent that Fire Nation assassin after them. What did they call him, "Combustion Man"? Then, he, Zuko, had to go and argue with the Water Tribe boy even when his situation was bad enough. The Fire Prince willingly admitted to himself that he was a colossal fool.

Considering all his weighty offenses against them, what could possibly induce them to forgive him, let alone welcome him into their group? Could he even deceive himself by thinking that he didn't expect them to be that angry? That was a foolish notion, indeed.

But he had hoped. He had banked on the Avatar's open invitation to friendship (although it was made long ago and under very different circumstances). Surely, he had thought, now that they saw how he had changed, they would forgive him and give him a chance to atone for all his faults? Again, he slapped his forehead.

"I have such a gift for coming up with illogical ideas," he muttered as he lit a small camp fire, channeling his frustration into the fierce flames that soon consumed the little pile of firewood he had gathered earlier that afternoon.

After all, how had he proven that he had changed? What evidence could he have offered them? Some proclamation that he had liberated their sky-bison from Ba Sing Se? Although the creature had seemed appreciative in a slobbery way, even the earthbender had admitted to that. But all things considered, what else could he have done, whether or not he had followed his better nature? As if he could have kept the bison as a hostage in their little apartment. So really, that little act of "goodness" didn't amount to much.

But he _had changed. _He knew that much. He had faced his father and barely escaped with his life. Thinking back to that fateful encounter, he felt more grateful than ever to his uncle for teaching him the lightning-deflecting technique.

"I'm glad that Uncle was able to escape without my help," he thought. Not that he was surprised. Iroh might have seemed like the laziest man in the Fire Nation but he was not called the Dragon of the West for nothing. Too bad he didn't get a chance to beg for his uncle's forgiveness or to show the old man how much he had changed. And it would have been really helpful to have Uncle by his side right now to guide him on what to do and say.

But Uncle wasn't here. The Avatar wouldn't forgive him. And he didn't have any concrete evidence that he had truly switched sides.

Zuko remembered all their reactions to his appearance, the scorn in the voices of the Water Tribe siblings, and the bitter silence of the young, bald monk. He sighed. Even the gentle, generous, and merciful airbender had rejected him. After all, he had missed his chance. The boy had offered him friendship once but how did he respond? He threw a fireball at the kid! No, there was no chance of their ever accepting him now.

Even as a prisoner.

After he had been soaked by the irate waterbender, Zuko had realized his ignorance for having relegated the Avatar and his friends to the level of ruthless firebenders. Like he used to be. They would never take any prisoners.

But he did find the waterbender's reaction unnecessarily harsh. After he had shared that his mother too had been taken away by the Fire Nation, she had softened to him when they were imprisoned together in Ba Sing Se. She had even offered to heal his scar. And Zuko knew that that wasn't the kind of thing enemies did. But she was kind and had even apologized to him. He believed that she felt genuine compassion for him. And she had trusted him. But he had abused that trust.

And now, he was at the receiving end of her wrath. More than anyone in the group, even the Avatar, whom he had relentlessly pursued, it was the waterbender who would find it hardest to forgive him. And he knew it now. The sudden splash of water was nothing to what she was capable of and it was just a warning to him to stay away from them.

But maybe they would have been a little more compassionate towards him if they knew more about him. He chuckled ruefully. As if he went around telling his life story to everyone who cared to listen. He didn't even open up to Uncle!

Besides, nothing he could ever say to them now would make any difference. They all knew him as the ruthless, violent, evil firebender who was hell-bent on capturing "the world's last hope for peace."

"You were right, after all," he thought, remembering that fateful day in Ba Sing Se, "I am a terrible person."

To rely on whimsical "if only's" wasn't the way to resolve his crisis. But Zuko couldn't help but imagine how much easier everything would be if they were aware of all that he had been through: if they had witnessed the Agni Kai three years ago that marked him forever (literally and figuratively), if they had been there in the Fire Lord's secret room during the day of the eclipse, if they had seen Princess Ursa put on a cloak and disappear into the darkness. Maybe they might have accepted him.

Maybe she could have accepted him.

_If she really knew me  
If she really truly knew me  
Maybe she would see the other side of me I seldom see_

Had I chosen differently  
Had I listened to my sense of right  
Would I be the kind of man  
She'd wanted to see tonight

Does a man make his destiny  
Or did this destiny make this man  
And is he everything he ought to be

If she really knew me  
If she'd take the time to understand  
Maybe she could find me  
The part I left behind me  
Maybe she'd remind me  
Of who I am

Zuko sighed. What was the point of relying on "what if's"? He had enough to worry about without having to visualize impossible conditions. For the trust that he had set out to gain would only come about immediately in a highly theoretical and conditional situation. So the only alternative was to earn it the long, arduous way.

But despite the conversion of his character, Zuko was still a determined person. He will prove himself good and worthy of joining their group. He will fulfill his destiny of helping the Avatar restore balance to the world. And nothing will ever stop him from doing so.

With one last glance towards the direction of the Western Air Temple, Zuko retired to his tent. _A man needs his rest. _Especially for the obstacles he had set out to thwart.

_There. Done. Hope you liked it. Reviews are exceedingly appreciated._


End file.
